Project: GOBLIN Teaser
by Don Orbit
Summary: Goblins are evil. Sure, no one disagreed with that statement, but there would still be some, who would not want to have a certain mortal interfere with their game. So what to do when your own hands are tied? Getting help from outside of course. Prologue oneshot to a potential future story.
1. An idea

**Disclaimer: I don't own Goblin Slayer. All rights belong to their respective owners**

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Bribing an author to kill an adventurer or How a God annoyed me until I caved in

Inside one of the many spaces between the individual universes within a certain multiverse was a realm that resembled a library or a warehouse. The entire realm was stuffed with high book shelves to the roof, which were packed with not only books but also several objects that seemed to belong into a museum, ranging from paintings and maps of foreign countries from all across the multiverse to ancient weapons and fossils of otherworldly beings.

It was a sheer endless maze, though in the middle of this labyrinth was a really long table with a Laptop and stacks of books next to it as a lone robed figure with a White mask sat on the table. The mask only covered the upper half of the face as the lower part was hidden by a gasmask. The hood was pulled over the face, making it impossible to even see a hair on their head. White gloves were pulled over the hands as they fingers danced across the keyboard of the laptop.

That was when suddenly a buzzing sound made the figure stop and reach into the pocket of their robes to pull out a phone. Only sparring it a look for a second they answered the call and put the device next to their ear.

"Who is it?" They said in a deep voice, yet in a neutral tone. One might mistake it for being annoyed or tired, but this person was simply speaking in a monotonous voice as if they didn't care at all for anything. Well that was rather the case as they would rather be doing something completely else than getting calls from an unknown number. Not to mention, that no one was supposed to have it in the first place. This was their realm for a reason after all. The phone was only meant to make research easier when they were not on their PC and allow them to look up things on the run when walking through the endless halls around them.

Or to find the way back. It was a maze after all and even when the large skeletal remains of long extinct species might be considered a landmark they were not always that reliable without a map.

"Hey Don Orbit! Good morning-"

"It's evening in this universe right now." The fanfiction author replied to the happy or enthusiastic sounding voice on the other end. The voice was neither that of a man or a woman. It sounded like it could belong to either. The voice on the other side sputtered something one couldn't understand, but it sounded as if whoever was on the other side had just lost their footing or something or hit their little toe against the edge of a table as they were trying to hide the pain from their voice as best as they could, though it was useless and only sounded even more pathetic.

"I-Is that so? W-Well then, I was just curious about that mail I sent you." The one who called said still sounding happy and friendly, but it was clear that it was forced like a smile during a really awkward situation or when it was simply necessary to smile when one felt like vomiting in front of a disgusting scence before them.

"What are you-" The author stopped as they opened their email account only to see that it was full, meaning that even if those were not all mail (and given that they had were all from last week at the earliest date) no new mails could be received until the others would be deleted. "Did you spam me full with requests for the last two weeks?" The author said once more, their tone this time was lower and carried a notable edge in it as if threatening the one on the other end of the call.

"Maybe~" The voice on the other end said as if they were pretending to be innocent. "Now that you have seen it-"

"Who are you?" Don Orbit cut the voice off once more. There was an omnious silence after this. After a whole minute, the fanfiction author opened their mouth again. "I'm going to hang up now."

"NO! PLEASE WAIT!" The other person pleaded, making the author sweatdrop at the phone they were looking at.

"...Fine then." The author said.

"Thank you very much. You really are-"

"Who are you?" The author asked for the uptenth time as they were busy deleting all the spam emails. The voice on the other end coughed slightly as they began to introduce themselves.

"I'm a God of Chaos.-" Right after these words were uttered an immediate response came.

"I'm hanging up right now." Don Orbit said. '_I don't have the patience to deal with the likes of that._' They thought.

"NO PLEASE WAIT WAIT WAIT!" The God of Chaos pleaded as they were basically crying at this point. Seriously, if the author would look at this person in real life, Don Orbit might as well ignore them downright and pretend to not see them. However, they were in a good mood today so the don let it pass.

"Very well. What made you spam my email account and call me at this time of the day?"

"Yes you see…" And so the god started to explain.

In a certain universe the gods, that created the world and the stars and all living things, had become tired of fighting and waging war against one another as they were divided in the factions of Chaos and Order. So instead they let everything be decided by rolling a dice. The people and the monsters were mere figures for them to play with and as such they controlled the fate of each being whenever it was their turn. As the chaos god explained its universe to Don Orbit, the author felt like ripping the deity's head off and shoving it down its throat.

Freedom of the individual was something one could consider of high value for this person. To simply go around, create a world and then treat it like some RPG, where the actions only had consequences for the people of that world while the gods would laugh and find entertainment in the suffering of other sentient beings, beings they had created in the first place on top of that, while they could do however they pleased to was simply rubbing them the wrong way in an intensity that actions of ordinary people would not be able to do. Of course, they were fully aware that there were also a lot of downsides to the gift of free will as everyone could do literally everything they pleased.  
Not only the good things but also the disgusting, the evil, the hideous and the selfish. They had done his fair share of such things already and most likely would still do so in the future, but not to this extend.

However, the deity had not made this call to tell them how awesome their world would be for people that love to toy with the lives of others as if they were playing one of those video games that let you literally be god. Instead the chaos god told the author about a certain person going by the name Goblin Slayer. And this god went on and on and on about how much he didn't like this person at all. Quickly the reporting voice became childish and angrier by the minute as they rambled about how much they wanted to see them dead and how they somehow managed to survive every attempt to be killed not just from their own side, but also from other gods. They went on and on about how life was unfair to the point where the author had enough.

"...Okay, why do you not like this person again?" Don Orbit cut the deity off once more as they simply had to in order understand why this person, a self-proclaimed god on top of that, bore such a grudge towards a mortal who by all means should have died long ago, which was perhaps the only thing that the two of them actually agreed upon.

"...he's killing my favorite pieces." The god mumbled in a small voice. One could literally see the pout in one's mind's eye.

"I see." Was all Don Orbit said.

"YOU SOUND JUST LIKE HIM RIGHT NOW!?" The god shouted into the phone. The author bit back the urge to shout back as he took a Deep breath and thought about what to do now. He had to be reasonable here. Even if he would be the only one who would be.

"So what do you want me, a human of all things, to do about this issue then?" He asked.

"You make fanfictions right?" The god asked, which was only countered with silence.

'_Stop stating the obvious and get to the point._' The author thought.

"See, Goblin Slayer is reducing the population of my favorite pieces more and more, so if he's not stopped I might not be able to play with them anymore." The god whined, but their tone changed right in a heartbeat to a happy one. "And that's where you come into play! I will allow you to join our game and-

"I refuse." Don Orbit said. For a second or two there was silence between the mortal and the god, before the latter spoke up again.

"Huh? What was that? Sorry I didn't hear you."

"I refuse." The author replied with a tone as calm as a pond's surface. A breeze swept across their realm, kicking up dust, that had accumulated over the years of not cleaning up the shelves and carried it away. Everything missing would be a tumbleweed rolling around, but those were secured in another shelf somewhere further from the center of their realm.

"EEEEEEEHHHHHH!?" The god shouted so loud into the phone, that you may as well stand 5 meters away from it and still could have heard them loud and clearly. "But why?" They whined.

"I can't say that this is enough reason for me to just interfere with a world, which I neither care for nor take any interest in. With other words, just as much as I have no reason to refuse your plea, I have no reason to follow it either."

"THAT'S ALL?!" The god exclaimed, when suddenly the phone turned into a certain type of snail as the mollusc cried bitter tears and clung to the author's hand with its foot. It's slimy skin texture became more moist as the slime it secreted mixed with the tears. It was a disgusting feeling as if one had stuck their hand into honey and now failed to get it off.

"Pathetic." The don muttered to themselves.

"PWEASE HELP ME! THE OTHER GODS ALREADY SHOT ME DOWN! PWEASE I BEG YOU!" The god sniffed and cried while the don simply looked at their transformed phone with an unreadable expression behind the mask. Sighing, they pushed themselves off the chair they had been sitting on until now and began to wander around the maze, while the god kept begging and pleading. It was borderline creepy how a god would actually sink so low to basically offer almost anything possible to a simple person without any sort of desire in the world other than doing whatever they liked just to kill a single man.

"You call me in the middle of the late afternoon when other people are supposed to be sleeping, begging me to commit murder to a person who perhaps has done not much wrong other than killing your beloved pieces." Don Orbit said as the god of chaos remained silent. "You say "Please give me justice. Avenge the deaths of my beloved pieces. Even the scales for me once more.", but during all those please you have not even once called me godfather." The author said. "Does some like you, who apparently doesn't even hold a shred of respect for those they are asking for help, even deserve help? Does some creature like yourself, that has transcended time, space and all biological limitations who indulges himself in the carnage and misery of others, actually deserve to be helped in the first place? If you want my help then at least show me that you actually hold some sort of value in the help you hope to be given!"

Both the god and the author remained silent after this. That was until the den den mushi lowered its gaze.

"I'm sorry. I perhaps should have asked more nicely...my godfather." The author sighed at this.

"Fine then. I'll help you with your problem."

"YES THANK YOU SO MUCH!?" The snail exclaimed as it wanted to hug the author's hand even more and its tears intensified in volume.

"But!" The author quickly made the god shut up. "There are conditions that need to be fulfilled."

"O-oh, okay then..."

"I will receive the payment after I joined the game. Whether it is successful or not doesn't matter. Even if the plan Fails, I'm keeping the payment." Don Orbit said.

"I guess that can be arranged." The god muttered.

"Good. I don't want to have more to do with your kind than neccessary. I hate people like you after all. If it was up to me, the existence of your kind would come to an end within the blink of an eye." The author admitted right in the god's face. "Second of all, you don't get a say in how or when this man dies. Whether it's in a minute, a day or a decade after I made my move doesn't matter. I join the game, make my move, that's all. How long it takes for that guy to die is not your decision anymore." The author said as they grabbed a ladder and climbed up a shelf as they browsed through the books before finding a rather thick one and pulling it out.

"Uhm okay. I mean as long as you-"

"And then there is a third condition." The author said, cutting the deity off once more.

"What is it?"

"I won't have it that a bunch of arrogant gods like yourselves overstep your limits." Don Orbit said with a tone cold as ice.

"Overstep...our Limits..."

"If your fellow gods decide to go against me, it's only normal. After all, those elder gods of yours have denied you this revenge you're craving for. However, the moment you yourself overstep the line, I'll not hesitate to destroy all that you love. Do not make this more complicated than it has to be for both of us. You keep your hands to yourself and I'll do the same. But the moment you turn against me, I'll look for you, I'll find you and I'll kill you. But not until you have suffered worse than by the hands of that man you call Goblin Slayer. I'll wipe out _everything_ that you love. Not a single object or living being that you hold somewhat an attachment to shall be spared as I will make you watch as all you hold dear burns to ashes. I'd really enjoy seeing a deity so full of themselves burst into tears. And when the fires fade away and only darkness remains...then you will have my permission to die. Understood?"

"Clearly." Silence once more reigned the atmosphere around the god and the author as the latter was walking around the maze looking for goblin related material of all kinds. Literature, paintings, myths and even fossilized remains. They had a feeling that they would need it.

"So what did those goblins do even?" The author finally asked, wanting to know the reason, that invoked such a hatred in this Goblin Slayer that even his name in such a nonsense world where everyone was only addressing one with their titles alone, that would actually make a god want to have him dead.

"Oh right. You wouldn't know." The god said more to themselves than Orbit, but they replied anyway.

"There are many worlds with goblins just like there are humans on almost if not every world, which is annoying enough. And they usually are never really the same in terms of culture and physiology." The author said collecting more and more material for the task ahead.

"Well, they were created as a lowly monster race..." And once again the god went into lecture mode as they began to list everything important about the goblins of their world. From physiology to their tribal and barbaric society to their strength in comparison to other monsters of their world. Slowly but surely, the author got a picture before their mind's eye. Still the last part of the lecture left them somewhat stunned. It turned out that the gods had created the goblins as a male only race. There were certain races that had either only one gender or none at all, but usually those were either classified as female or were artificial beings. As for the goblins, neither was the case. Being created as males only, female goblins didn't exist. So how could they still be around when they could reproduce? Well, they could however they did so by raping women of other races and usually ended up killing them through torture, beatings and other factors.

When the lecture was over, there was once more silence in the realm of Don Orbit. This was a lot to take in. Or so the deity assumed until they heard the author commenting this sort of creature.

"What are you? An incubus?" Came the flat reply from the one they asked for help.

"I can't help it! I'm a God of Chaos after all!" The deity yelled. Once more the author could only sigh in disappointment at the deity's antics. It was no secret that older people could still react very much like young children, but this was just sad to look at. They even thought about simply sending a certain useless goddess over there to take care of the problem, but with that E-rank luck of hers she might as well simply end up killed and then back in heaven, which would be less favorable than her previous encounters with certain giant amphibians.

"Now about the payment." Don Orbit began. "I'll let you make any sort of suggestion. If I don't like what I hear, I'll withdraw my help before it has even begun."

"Immeasureable treasures!" Came the immediate enthusiatic reply from the deity, hoping to quickly wrap this up.

"No." The author said flatly.

"NO?"

"No."

"I see. You are trying to play hard to get. Very well then, a harem of beautiful women and a nation with you as the king-."

"Pass." The author said once more in a flat tone.

"SUCH IMMEDIATE RESPONSE!" The deity was really losing their nerves here.

"Is that all you can offer your godfather? How disappointing. It seems nothing else can be expected from an incubus or succubus posing as a deity." Don Orbit commented loud enough for the deity to hear, much to their displeasure.

"Grr! I'm not done yet! Behold my negotiation skills!" The god said tackling the challenge head on.

And so the evening went on until it was morning once more. And by the time the sun rose again, the god of chaos was crying on the phone again, rivalling a certain bluenette goddess the author knew in terms of being a useless crybaby and annyoing as hell.

"If that's all I'll be leaving. It seems that demons today cannot even bribe the mortals anymore. Good grief. What a pity." They said as they were about to leave that God of Chaos drowning in self pity so they would be done with it.

"Wait! There is one last thing I can offer you." The author rose an eyebrow at this.

Suprisingly this time the god offered something that their godfather couldn't resist. And so they came to an agreement that would benefit both parties.

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**And the rest is up to you how it goes. You find the poll for this idea on my profile.**

**Just a little something I had my mind on for a while.**

**As for the poll, I feel obligated to explain the choices here.**

**#1: Creating an OC demi-human from Overlord**

**In my time as a fan of Overlord created by Kugane Murayama, I've come across lots of OCs and made a few myself. However up until this Point I cannot say that I've seen a goblin OC or an orc OC, which is not that surprising as most Writers prefer to use either heteromorphs like Momonga or humans. I've to be honest here, I think I have yet to see a demi-human centric story around here and personally spoken I think of it as a pity as goblins are among the most iconic fantasy races of all time alongside elves, dwarves and dragons.**

**So anyway, in this choice, I'd create a demi-human from the Overlord franchise and sent them over to that world. It can be a goblin or a variant of that species, but it might as well be some other demi-human kind like orc, ogre, troll, harpy and so on. It also doesn't have to be a player. It might as well be a custom NPC or a boss monster, that gained self-awareness. Though I'd try to not sent over an entire dungeon or a type of demi-human that isn't a Non-Prayer Character (Monster) by the terms of Goblin Slayer lore, meaning no lizardmen or likely centaurs. **

**Also there will be no heteromorphs in this scenario either unless through the means of a race changing item. No dragons, undead, angels, demons, plants, slimes, werewolves or anything from YGGDRASIL. Just demi-humans. Sorry Ainz Ooal Gown, but you guys need to stay outside this time.**

**#2: Creating an OC goblin, but gifting it with the Re:Monster system**

**Re:Monster is a series I've enjoyed a lot when I read it. Despite the fact that the protagonist has a power that makes him pretty much OP after just a really short lifetime, it was fun reading from my personal perspective.**

**However in this scenario, the goblin doesn't possess Rou's Absorption Esper power, but rather having Access to the System of Rou's world including the Rank UP evolutions, skills and powers.**

**(By the way are there any biological Esper powers in other series with Espers, because I didn't watch any of the To Aru series and with the more notable individuals possessing more supernatural yet scientific powers, Rou's ability seems a bit out of place to the Point where I might not call it an esper power anymore. Just out of interest.)**

**To be honest, that might be one of the more difficult to write variants given that goblins are relatively weak on their own and the OC would not be able to just eat killed opponents and gain their abilities like Rou did.**

**#3: Putting Rou into the world of Goblin Slayer**

**For myself probably the best possible outcome as Rou with his Absorption power has the means to actually grow into a strong monster later on. Actually I don't even feel like that he'd be actually misplaced. Sure the goblins there are not the loving parents like Gobuji and most likely the others will treat him like a piece of shit as it simply is in their nature to be just like that. So no real chance for loyal henchmen like Kichi or Mi here.**

**But isn't it even more a reason to give him an edge in such a hostile world then?**

**#4: Creating a Goblin OC, but gifting it with the Elder Tale system**

**This is possibly the most farfetched of the bunch here, but let's hear me out first.**

**In Elder Tale, the game of the Log Horizon Franchise, there are many types of monsters and amongst them are also demi-humans such as orcs, lizardmen and of course goblins. ****However, the only reason goblins matter in this story is because instead of focusing on the entire world we only focus in it on Japan and the protagonists happen to live in a normally Goblin infested part of the virtual geoscape, but that's not important.**

**What is important is that due to the player's actions the goblins have become a problem due to a game event known as Rise of the Goblin King in which normally the Goblin King would be slain before being crowned. This king is one of the many tribe's members, who are actually chosen as candidates and as king unite the tribes as one big army.**

**So what if we give a Goblin from Goblin Slayer's world that sort of potential? Goblins in Elder Tale come in a variety of forms ranging from easy to kill ,obs, that are worth nothing but EXP to actually raid boss level monsters such as the Goblin King, who actually looks like an orc. Like in the second choice, I personally think it's rather difficult to write as goblins alone are weak, making it rather difficult for them to become stronger. However, if such a goblin was to become stronger they could achieve quite a lot as shamans or champions. And let's say there is actually a king that stands above such lesser monsters like the Goblin Champions and the Goblin Lord... well let's just say the Guild won't exactly have a good time there.**

**In either way you may choose, it still ends up as a crossover fanfic. I am not good enough to just take over control of one normal goblin of that world to make it. I lack the skills and patience for that. So I'll wait for your replies then. Also it is perfectly fine if you state your opinion to this project idea and say "Thanks, but no thanks." as the idea of making such a protagonist especially with that franchise around is just revolting and disgusting for probably most people.**

**Good night and have a nice day X3**


	2. Poll Results

**Hi guys. I hope you all made it safely into the new year. I just wished to inform all of you about the results of the poll and thank everyone who participated for their contribution. Unfortunately due to people putting their votes into the reviews instead of the poll on my profile, however I've to ignore them completely... Just kidding! I'm not one of those perfectionists or bureaucrats, who ignore everything that isn't put in some strict role model ranging from applications to other things.**

**So with the official votes and the votes from the anonymous reviews together (under my personal assumption that none of the ones Voting did post them twice) we have 5 voters with 1 rooting for a Goblin OC with access to the Re:Monster Rank UP System, which includes all possible evolutions for goblins (ogre, lord, minotaur etc.), magic and skills from the Re:Monster universe and a total of 4 votes rooting for Rou being ****transferred to the world of Goblin Slayer.**

**So yeah, an almost absolutely one-sided win for Rou at this point.**

**So, I really wouldn't want to put an end to the vote just on New Years Eve, but since no one else is coming I think it's best to assume that all people that did want to vote did and everyone else either didn't want to, couldn't or simply didn't care for that in the first place. Then again, I did say I'd understand it if no one voted in the first place due to an understandable amount of distaste towards the idea of a Goblin main character in that world. Perhaps the vote is not representative for all peolple that did read it, but I can't exactly force people to vote. And we have already more than 250 views on this teaser alone so I'll have to presume that those 5 that did vote were the only ones who cared about it in the first place.**

**However, because I do not wish to exclude the sole voter for Option #2 and I myself would find it rather difficult to to write the story longer when I limit the Re:Monster goblins on Rou and most likely his children (if he is to reproduce while being a goblin or hobgoblin), so I've decided to consider the suggestion of Lobisoman616, which would include more goblins with access to the Re:Monster Rank UP system following Rou's own arrival in the world of Goblin Slayer.  
I will neither confirm nor deny the integration of this suggestion and I'm still thinking about it myself whether it is a good or a bad idea. (I'm a very indecisive person (T-T))**

**It might happen in the final product or it might not happen. I don't know yet.**

**With all that being said and done, I hereby proudly announce that the story that so far only exists on my PC under the prototype name of _Re:Goblin_ will be coming this year… hopefully. I don't know when _exactly_ I'll get around to write _Re:Goblin, JoJo's Bizarre Adventures: Adamant Resolve_ and other stories that are on my mind.**

**When I do have a release date, I'll release a last trailer on separately to this teaser.**

**Don Orbit: And so I hope we see each other in this year as well... (the door to the realm literally explodes) Oh come on! The door is always repaired and locked for a reason. Do I have to put a sock on it to get some peace and quiet? Who is it this...time... (looks at the broken entrance to see literally every main characters of the author's ongoing stories standing there and boy, they didn't look happy) Haha... Hey guys... I was just about to make some plans for the new year. (Slowly backs away in fear) Just wait here so I can grab them and uhm show you...**

**Deadpool: (popping into existence pointing a gun at the author) The hell are we waiting for? Let's get him!**

**Everyone else: YEAH!? (charge towards Don Orbit, while throwing spells and attacks in his general direction as the writer who runs away)**

**Don Orbit: Now THIS is an Avengers level threat. (Barely dodges Seras' shots as TFS Alucard appears)**

**TFS Alucard: Check your privilege! (Throws a punch at the author's face and is slammed into one of the many bookshelves)**

**Don Orbit: That hurt. (Notices Umbra's Thousand Lash Bugs crawling towards him) NOPE! (runs away)**

**Umbra: Give me a new chapter dammit!? (Almost bisects the author with four simultaneously wielded greatswords)**

**Don Orbit: Calm down! We can all talk about this, right?**

**Iarut: (appearing before the author with drawn bane blades) _No._ (slashes at him)**

**Hitoshi Mori: No chance. (Lashes out with his kagune)**

**Don Orbit: (getting his robes cut and burnt, but uninjured) I got to flee before-**

**Momonga/Ainz: [Timestop] (time abruptly stops, freezing everyone in place without a resistance to it or similar abilities, before approaching the author) [Floating Magic Mine] (places mine into the author's face) Time will move again. (Time moves as usual as the mine blows up)**

**Don Orbit: (thrown to the ground, before looking up at Hitoshi, Iarut, Antares and Umbra) Can't we talk about this?**

**Umbra: (punches her maker in the face) You got a lot to make up for. (proceeds to kick the author on the ground alongside ther others)**

**Antares: (keeps kicking) Come on. Make a new chapter.**

**Iarut:_ (zealous battle cry)_**

**Hitoshi: Come on. The audience demands more.**

**Alucard: (sitting on a chair and taking a sip of wine, before joining the kicking)**

**Don Orbit: Looks like I got a lot of things to make up to you guys. See you later in this year.**


End file.
